Getting a Japanese Scooter License
So I finally got a Japanese driver’s license, which anyone who lives here for more than six months should really get. Well, okay, so I got a scooter license. Contrary to popular belief, this does not automatically make me gay. Astride my Japanese moped, I’m easily as macho as that construction worker from The Village People, plus I have more chest hair. Man, I love that guy.
Life and Death in Japan
They say that life is a series of accidents waiting to happen. But I say, why wait? Get yourself a tiny scooter in a country that rains all the time and hug the side of the road at 19 mph. Ken Seeroi lives for danger. People say that all the time. They do. No, really.
For such a safe country, it seems like people in Japan can’t kill themselves quickly enough. Like I was in Shibuya Station last weekend after midnight, waiting for Read more »
The Grammar-Translation Method : Really all that Bad?
When it comes to teaching languages, the grammar-translation method has become the child nobody loves or wants to acknowledge. But is it really hell on toast? No, it ain’t. There, I said it. Leave it to Seeroi to be the one to defend something he doesn’t even like, but hey, somebody’s gotta stand up for the downtrodden.
Before getting into a whole deep analysis, let’s talk booze, if for no other reason than it’s a whole lot more interesting than grammar.
So I went to a gaijin bar last Saturday, which I rarely do anymore, since I’m always hanging out with old drunk Japanese dudes in izakayas. But for some reason I was walking by this place and I saw a Guinness sign and I remembered, Hey, I love that beverage. So in I went.
Just in case you’ve never been to Japan or live in a cave or something, a “gaijin bar” is what the Japanese call a tavern full of drunk English teachers. For some reason, the bars always resemble Irish pubs, despite the fact that there’s only about four Irish people in the whole nation. Yet another mystery of the Orient, I know.
The thing about English teachers is they’re loud. And you know who you are, so don’t try to deny it. Read more »
The Best Way to Learn Japanese
What’s the best way to learn Japanese? After pouring years, beers, and tears into the question (pretty much in that order), I finally have an answer. Man, it has been one long decade.
They say the best things in life should be savored. I got that from an instant coffee commercial, actually. Well, there’s irony for you. But as far as I’m concerned, most things—like making money, learning Japanese, and folding my laundry—would be best done as fast as possible. So from the start, that’s how I approached learning the language. I didn’t care what effort it required or how much it cost; I just wanted it over and done with so I could hold a decent conversation. I figured I’d get all that learning stuff out of the way early so I could get on to something more important, which turns out to be laying on my futon drinking Japanese malt liquor and trying to understand the TV. Read more »
The Shochu, The Yakuza, and the Hostess Bar
My New Year’s resolution was to exercise more, but it’s just not working out like that. All I could see was sawdust and screws when I opened my eyes this morning. It was like 4 a.m. Man, I gotta quit getting up so early. But for some strange reason the room wasn’t dark. So while I was trying to figure out who turned on the sun, I rolled over and there’s my PC, upside-down on the pillow next to me. And then I realized I’m still fully dressed in a suit and tie, minus one sock. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about putting on clothes all over again. So much trouble, really, getting dressed.
So I got up and it turns out my table had demolished itself in the middle of the night. Like one of the legs was snapped off and it had dumped everything onto my futon, along with screws and wood chips. Fortunately it’s a Japanese table, so it’s only about two inches tall. Like I don’t even really know why I have the thing—I could just draw a rectangle on the floor and it would be exactly as useful. And about then I figured out it was 4 p.m., not a.m., and I thought Man, I really gotta get me some breakfast, since I gotta be back at work in a couple of hours. So I put on my sock and went to 7-11. Read more »
What Do You Think of Japan?
I used to think there were three possible answers to any question: yes, no, and whatever’s not covered by yes and no. Like, when the waitress asks, Do you want another beer? That’s a yes. Isn’t it about time you thought about going home? That would be a No, not until I get that beer I’m waiting for. And, Would you at least please stop bothering the other customers? That would would be a Well, if that’s how you feel about it, then I’m leaving. Just as soon as I get that one more beer.
It’s interview season in Japan. The weather is getting warmer, the ume buds are starting to appear, and maybe you could even see a bird. Yeah, like maybe in a zoo. But anyway, about this time every year I pick my two-sizes-too-small Japanese suit up from the floor of my closet, polish the front of my shoes, and head out with my resume.
My Japanese Interview
I went to this interview last week. It’s for a job teaching English, so for some reason unbeknownst to anyone, the entire interview was in Japanese. Read more »
Why are Japanese so Bad at English? (5 Reasons)
Everyone knows Japanese people aren’t exactly Masters of the Universe when it comes to speaking English, despite receiving six years of English education. Six years? Are you kidding? You could build yourself a Great Pyramid in less time. I’m pretty sure. Just chop up some limestone and stack it up. Probably take you a couple of years at best.
But okay, there are clearly some good reasons why Japanese folks can’t speak English. And if you study Japanese, you also need to avoid the same traps.
Ask any foreign English teacher, and they’ll tell you, “The grammar-translation method doesn’t work.” Sure, but people also say that we swallow spiders in our sleep and the Apollo moon landings were merely elaborate hoaxes. Read more »
How to be Popular in Japan
I’m the most popular guy in town. And given that about a million people live in my town, that’s quite a distinction, seriously. So recently I bought a jump rope. Look, it’s not easy keeping in shape in Japan. Like I’d just gotten home last Thursday night when I got a call from this old guy that I teach English to. He’s about seventy years old and some president of a company or something. Actually, I don’t even know his name. I just call him President-san. Anyway, I pick up the phone and he says, “Can you sing The Beatles?” And I’m like, “Who is this?” Read more »
The Skill of Speaking Fluent Japanese
Speaking fluent Japanese is easy. You only need three things:
1. A bunch of words
2. A bit of grammar
3. To think in Japanese
While the first two points get a lot of attention, the third point is equally, if not more, important.
Knowledge Versus Skill
Thinking in Japanese is not just about knowledge. It takes skill. Fluency requires the ability to stop your native language from entering into your brain. In other words, to stop translating. Okay, so that’s easier said than done.
Why You Must Learn Kanji
For a lot of people, kanji is about on par with natto. A huge sticky mess, difficult to consume, and not nearly as tasty as it is troublesome. Plus it makes your breath smell like the wrong end of a dog, which is rarely a good thing. I mean natto, that is. Kanji does nothing for your breath. Anyway, me personally, I never wanted to spend years studying kanji; I just wanted to speak well enough to communicate (read “drink beer”) with people. Funny how things work out.
Hiragana? Fine. Katakana? Piece of cake. There’s not that many of them, so whatever. But kanji? Yeah, let me get back to you on that. I mean, who wants to take the long route to learning Japanese? I was determined to find a shortcut.
If you, like me, love shortcuts and have the approximate attention span of a gerbil, then let’s jump right to the conclusion:
1. Kanji is the shortcut to learning Japanese, even if you only care about speaking.
2. If you know the kanji, you can make sense of every word in the Japanese language.
3. Every word. Think about it.
How can kanji be the shortcut when it’s so impossible? First of all, you’re trying to learn an entire Read more »
Anki: Best Software Ever, or Thing from Hell
I’ve used Anki for more years than I can remember. It’s a great piece of software. You just stuff your soul into an envelope and mail it off to the Devil, and in about four to six weeks Japanese ability arrives in your mailbox. It’s convenient like that.
In case you’ve been studying Japanese under a rock, you should know that Anki is software that helps you remember stuff. It’s what they call a Spaced Repetition System. Kind of like electronic flash cards. Anyway, I used to know more about it, but I forgot. But where was I? Oh yeah, so when you have a Japanese phrase that you want to remember, you just type it into Anki, and the software kindly reminds you to review it at just the right time. Every day, you review your Anki flash cards and pretty soon, Presto, you’re a Japanese genius. Well, that’s the theory, at least.
Yesterday, I rode my bike home from an izakaya at midnight, in the pouring rain. And even though I’m holding an umbrella in one hand, every time I come to a stoplight I pull out my iPod. Because you know I’ve got this Anki app so I can use it anywhere, and I’m stressing because I’ve got to review about a hundred cards today but of course I didn’t because I was out drinking with the old men again. Read more »
